This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
