I have demons in me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
