so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
