I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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