Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize