i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
