I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
