I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
