We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
