You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
