He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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