my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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