i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
