i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
