who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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