Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize