I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
