You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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