I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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