Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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