So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
