I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
