im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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