Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The power of my boobs compel you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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