the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
