He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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