They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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