Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
