you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
