vagina is talking i cant
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
