i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
