im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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