what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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