maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
