Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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