tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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