AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
