I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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