How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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