pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
