In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
