based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize