So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
