There is no way he is gay with that hair.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
