I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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