wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
