Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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