we made out on top of his cat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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