All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
