I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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