So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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