I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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