As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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