So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Those nachos came to me in a dream
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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