Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
