Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
