I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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