Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
