you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
