i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
