I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
