I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
