I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
