I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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