I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
