Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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