Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
