You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
