seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
