No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
