I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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