I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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