just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
