bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize