It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
