so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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