If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
