You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
