We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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