I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
