no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
