anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
