and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
