Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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