What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
