'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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