I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
