The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
