hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
