went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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