im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
