I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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