Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
