I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How does one acquire holy water?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
