Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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