why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
