Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
