Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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