P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
