I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
