Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
